My mom died two years ago today.
Even typing that sentence still stings.
There are still moments where I stop dead in my tracks almost unable to move, re-living the entire string of events in my mind. It takes my breath away.
Every once in a while something will spark such a memory that I seem to start crying all over again.
I often look to the sky and talk to her.
I will never get over losing my mom so suddenly, but I have learned to cope with it.
It also has gotten a little easier. Last year around the first anniversary of her death I swore I had a strange version of post traumatic stress. This year I’ve still been impacted by the anniversary, but not as badly.
Last year I didn’t really want to write about anything sad on the anniversary of my Mom’s death, so I chose to honor her by sharing fifty of the life lessons she taught me. I would love it if you look the time to read over that post again today. I feel like it captures a little of who she was.
This year I thought I’d use my experience to do something positive and perhaps help someone else going through the grieving process. I truly hope none of you will need these tips anytime soon. And please, tell your Mom you love her today.
6 Ways to Cope with Losing a Mother
1) Stay Busy
You must take time to grieve, but sitting around and just thinking about it can quickly leave you even more upset. I found that staying comfortably busy kept my mind distracted and helped with the pain.
2) Stay Close to Your Family
The rest of your family is grieving too. Stay close to the rest of your family and support each other. I used to talk to my Mom almost everyday. Now I talk to my Dad almost every day.
3) Talk to Others
Sadly several of my friends have also lost their mom in the past two years. It has been comforting to talk to them and discover they have a lot of the same feelings and emotions that I have. It is also nice to know you are not alone. If you don’t know anyone who has lost their mom, you can find a support group.
4) Write it Down
I found that keeping a list of my Mom’s little lessons and memories of her soothed my soul. Even if you don’t have a blog, it can be comforting to have these memories on paper.
5) Treasure a Keepsake
Find something to hold onto of your moms that you can carry with you. My mom loved heart jewelry and I will often wear some of her favorite pieces. It was hard to actually wear her jewelry at first, but after time it gave me great comfort. I feel like I have a part of her with me.
6) Seek professional help
There is no shame in reaching out to talk to a grief counselor or a physiatrist if you can’t seem to get control of your emotions. I didn’t have to do it, but I was willing to if necessary. My mom would have given this advice herself! She was a high school guidance counselor.
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Berni says
While I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, I was blessed to see your post. I lost my mother (96 years old) in January. But at this moment in time, my son in law, who I love like my own, was losing his mother.....much too soon like you. She died on Monday. I sent my daughter this post hoping it will help him with his loss. Thank you for baring your heart and soul and helping others along the way. Blessings.
JulieWunder says
Hi Berni-
Sending prayers to your Son-in-law this week. That first week is so so hard. I hope my post helps. That is why I wrote it.
Thanks for reading and sharing my blog with them.
Julie
Lisa B says
I lost my precious mother to cancer 13 years ago and the pain is still fresh, especially when I realize that she didn't live to see my son/her grandson. She wanted to be a grandmother so badly! Thank you for sharing this very personal and very helpful post. No matter how fresh the grief or how many years have passed, it helps to put everything in its proper perspective.
Danyelle Musselman says
Thank you for sharing this Julie! I lost my dad when I was 18, and know the pain you feel. It takes a while to feel better, but you will.
Stacie @ SimplySouthernStacie says
Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mother was such a beautiful lady (you look a lot like her!) and clearly had a strong impact on you becoming the woman that you are today. Thank you for sharing your story with us even though I know it must have been incredibly hard for you to write. Prayers and hugs to you today!
Shelley Marcy says
I lost my father two years ago this past June, just days before he would have turned 74. He lived in another state so I was not there when he passed....but, I am so thankful that my stepmother and younger sister were. He told them to tell me how much he loved me. I still tear up while writing those words because Dad and I had a strained relationship through the years, but never lost sight of our love for each other. In the last 10 years we had grown closer than we had ever been. We shared so much with each other and put all our issues out on the table. We forgave each other and we hit the ground running from that point forward. We built a new and better, more loving and intimate relationship than we had ever had before. Our love for each other was stronger and more cherished. The lesson is simple....don't let personalities and personal issues get in the way of love. I was able to give my father the gift of a close relationship with his oldest daughter and he gave me what every little girl wants....her daddy's love. The very last word Dad said as he passed from this Earth and into the arms of Jesus was WOW! We had pins made with that word on it written below the image of a cross and they were handed out to be worn at his memorial service. Even still when I hear that word spoken, I lift up a little smile toward Heaven....
Freddie says
Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. I did not know you had lost your mother. The loss of a parent or any love one for that matter is a very hard thing to deal with. I lost my mother 49 years ago this month. And while it does get somewhat easier, I think about her several times each day. And reading your story about your mom brings back that painful day I lost my mom but at the same time helps me remember all the great things she taught me which included encouraging me to finish college which I promised her on her death bed I would do and I did fulfill that dream of hers. And as a result of her teachings I ended up with a great wife, which we just celebrated our 39 weddding anniversary and have a great life.
Deborah @ Confessions of a Mother Runner says
I saw my husband go through this a few years back and it is so difficult. Unfortunately we all will have to go through it at some point. Great tips here-I know they will help others as well. Gave me a little tear.
Pam says
Thanks so much,Julie...I hope you talked to your mom today and I bet she heard every word you said!
Ginni says
Julie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember reading those 50 life lessons and sharing them with friends because they were so wonderful. I'm glad that she got to see you get married before she passed but I'm sure it's still difficult.
JulieWunder says
Thanks so much Ginni. I'm glad she got to see it too. She was so happy at our wedding. Thank you for the support and for sharing my mom's lessons with your friends. That means more than words can say!
Laurie Morris says
I know your pain, Julie. I lost both parents 10 years ago-7 months apart to the day. This was all in the same school year as I was teaching then. I still talk to them. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January and have wanted my mama and daddy even though I am 58. Thank GOD I have a wonderful hubby!! Thoughts and prayers to you!!
JulieWunder says
Oh Laurie! What amazing strength you have.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My thoughts and prayers to you as well as you fight the cancer.
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment today!
Blane Sherer says
I certainly empathize with the pain of your loss. I'm glad that you have had the spport of your family and friends to help you through. I know you have wonderful thoughts and memories of your mom that will stay with you as well.
JulieWunder says
Thank you so much Blane.
Charlotte Moody says
Not a day goes by without me thinking about your mom. She was very much an individual, and a true friend. One important point to add is that you treasured your mother during her life. That strong relationship and the memories you hold will help you carry on.
JulieWunder says
Thanks Charlotte. Your friendship with my mom makes my heart happy. She loved you very much too.
I don't think there will ever be anyone else quite like her!
Renee @ Bendiful Blog says
Oh Julie I'm sending you digital hugs and thoughts today. Loosing a parent is never easy. That 50 lessons post made me cry. I'm thinking of you and your entire family today.
JulieWunder says
Thanks for taking the time to read it Renee and thank you for your continued support. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers today.
Jaime says
I'm definitely thinking about you today. I knew that the anniversary was coming up, but didn't know the exact date. Sending so many virtual hugs!!
JulieWunder says
Thanks so much Jaime for all of the support!
Rose W says
Julie, my thoughts are with you today. Loss of a parent is incredibly painful. I read your 50 lessons and thank you for sharing.
JulieWunder says
Thank you for reading the 50 lessons Rose. I really appreciate your support.
Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections says
I'm so sorry to hear this - I didn't know. I applaud you for blogging about it, though. It's very hard to be public with things like this.
It is crazy how grief comes and goes in waves and still can hit us so hard. About 5 years ago, I lost my fiance unexpectedly too. Even years later, I still find myself so upset over the loss. But time really does help you heal, even if things are never the same again.
JulieWunder says
Thank you so very much Melissa. I almost deleted the post a dozen times, but I decided to go with it. Writing about it brings me comfort and I hope the subject could help someone in the future.
I am so sorry about your fiancé. I can only imagine how hard that was!
Art Long says
I'm very sorry about your loss and I know what you are going through. I lost my mom 5 years ago last August and this Friday would have been her birthday. I think about my mom several times a day, but I keep the good memories up front.
JulieWunder says
I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Those good memories really do help. Thank you for the kind words and for the support.
Dan Steadman says
wow...so sad...only thing I know that's close is I lost my father in law in a sudden manner...his memory is still there...cherish those memories
JulieWunder says
Thank you Dan.
Pam says
God bless you,Julie. I think losing your mom has got to be one of the hardest things we go through. My mom died last year on Dec.17. I miss her each and every day...I know this anniversary will be very difficult. Losing her around Christmas changes my view of the Christmas spirit...at least for now. Please take care of yourself.
JulieWunder says
Oh Pam! Sending prayers and strength your way for Dec. 17th. The first year was harder than the second. I am so sorry for your loss.
I will take care of myself and I really appreciate your support.
Deanna says
So sorry for your loss, Julie. My dad passed away in 1998 from a year-long illness. It was hard. It's funny what little things can trigger the grief - even after all these years. You never stop missing the person you lost, but the grief does get easier to bear as time goes on - because you get stronger. Thanks for sharing your story in this post today. I'm sure you've encouraged many people.
JulieWunder says
Thank you Deanna for sharing about your father. It is good to know that it does get easier. I am so sorry for your loss as well.
Deanna says
Thank you, Julie! 🙂
Mike Morgan says
`I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing the photo's and lessons. I will keep you in my prayers and would look forward to meeting you at your next public appearance. I am an ordained minister and believe I may relieve some of your pain. In Harmony, Love and Light, Mike
JulieWunder says
Thank you so much Mike for the support. I appreciate the prayers and know they will bring comfort.
Jessie says
Julie, I had no idea!! Even though it's 2 years later, my heart still breaks for you & your family. The way you are handling each year of passing is unbelievable. You show such strength that many individuals wouldn't be able to do. The way you talk about your Mom just goes to show how wonderful and special of a relationship the two of you had. Please know you & your family are in my prayers!
JulieWunder says
Thank you so much Jessie. Your kind words mean more than you know. I really appreciate your prayers.
Martha says
I too lost my Mother quite a few years ago, I still miss her so much. Time helps adjust to the loss but you never stop missing your Mom, I still want to talk to her.
My condolences to you, thank you for sharing.
JulieWunder says
Such a good way to put it... you adjust but never stop missing. I'm sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for the kind words today.
Lynn says
Hi Julie... I feel for you! I lost my mom when I was just 10 years old, but my step mother is my mom!! I was blessed beyond measure to have such a wonderful woman in my life! My husband died in 2003 and that is the loss I think about a lot! My faith, my family, my church family and many friends have helped me keep his memories alive! And for that I am thankful! The storms in life only make the sunny days brighter! It's just wishing they were still there to enjoy them with you... I will be praying for you! Blessings always, Lynn
JulieWunder says
Thank you for your inspirational words Lynn. They lifted my spirits today. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
Jenny says
Oh, Julie! My heart and prayers go out to you and your family today. Your 50 lessons post is so precious!
JulieWunder says
Thank you. I am so glad I wrote it. The details like that become fuzzy over time.